I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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