need another drink. this is the easiest way
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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