Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
