The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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