My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
