everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
