Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
