I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
