Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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