Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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