Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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