Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
