The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
