Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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