I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
