Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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