There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
