At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
