is your mom at the bar?
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Randomize
