That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
