It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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