And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
