I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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