I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
