He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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