...so i touched it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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