It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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