I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
