I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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