i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
