Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
