I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
