i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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