I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
