normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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