Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
