Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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