Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
