Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
