We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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