Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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