and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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