I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
