He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
