The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
