conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was like eating out sand paper
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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