I love black thongs
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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