i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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