Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
