You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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