i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
