does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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