Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Drake has all the answers
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
