I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
