She is in my trunk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
