More tranny stories later!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm bleeding and have questions
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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