I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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