I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
