so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
