What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
