we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
