he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
