and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
