i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
