is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
