sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
