i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
