WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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