i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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