If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
