Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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