My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
