you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
