Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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