Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
