I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
