His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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