from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
