I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
