Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
