come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
