guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
