Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
