I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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