you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
