i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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