No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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