If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
