I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
