So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
