Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
