she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Come share oat with me in your robe
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
