Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
