Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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