She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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