No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
