Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
