I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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