I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
