I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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