I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
