I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
