based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
