ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
