I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
