i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize