i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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