Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
