She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
