The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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