Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
