You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
