I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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