Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
