dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
